No need to be confused- I’m about to EXPLAIN. Above is a picture of the house I grew up in, well the latest version of it. If you’re a California native, you probably remember that little earthquake that shook us all up in 93′. The Stewart family woke up to their marble hallway blasted into what looked like a bunch of little cookie crumbs (Shouts to RICKY ROSAY/COKE BOYZ) and a sea of dead fish scattered through out the house, due to our in wall aquarium. Ya, exacty…like a early nineties R.kelly video. After this MINOR setup back, architect Herbert set out to build a house with a shower that resembled a glass blender and some great gossip for my sixth grade classmates. I mean, when everybody has shutters and Doritos and you have a glass roof and MRS GOOCHS VEGAN CHIPS (?), things become VERY complicated four your 12 year old self. Especially when everybody comes over for a sleepover and there is a MASSIVE thunder storm that left everybody panic stricken and you with a lot more questions to answer than you wanted. After that night I just left the sleepovers to Allison Dixon’s house by the airport. Where endless amounts of wonder bread and mayo were at your reach.
NOW- when I was 17, Herbert wanted to transition to the Beach, be in a not so Persian environment shall we say? Which is when newlyweds DEMI and ASHTON showed up. DEMI was hot off of that comeback and ASHTON was really tight with DIDDY for whatever reason. Low point for Diddy i’m sure? Before these two gems, a VERY VERY popular Leo D came through…and I?, I was sent off for a day of errands with my fat housekeeper MALLY who was from sweden. ONLY TO FIND A NOTE ON MY DOOR- “SORRY I MISSED YOU MORGAN, LOVE LEO”. If you think I even looked at the scum who claimed to be my parents for 13 years..you’re very wrong.
Now THE ISSUE IS- Every single piece of this home, and every single mother fucking japanese koi that needed to be specifically found for the pond, was a vision that was executed by my the person who tells me to stop talking “badly about my friends”. NOT BY DEMI AND LITTLE ASHTON, WHO MAY I ADD CAME FROM A TRACK HOME OFF BENEDICT CANYON (so we’ll just call on you when we need you to say something ash). Although Demi did minorly add on to the home, nothing that she has every done has been photographed.
AND when articles are being printed to this day and sent to my mad genius father, it’s truly disheartening. – There was no “joint effort” between herself and little Ashton from Cedar Rapids, Iowa. LET’S NOT KID OURSELVES. DEMI – I know things have been blurry for you post divorce, but don’t make me call a bitch out. We just want the credit where it’s due.