Firstly, I just need to come clean about a few things. Number one: I actually was helpful to my mother and schlepped to COSTCO on her behalf. If that doesn’t qualify me to possibly skip out on a mother’s day card purchase, I don’t know what does. Not only did I make the trek to Washington Blvd- SOLO, I also felt comfortable enough to devour an entire serving of shrimp cocktail while roaming the aisles- AGAIN SOLO, by the brand KIRKLAND. Which i’m pretty sure, is only an acceptable if you’re buying cleaning solvent for your toilet…All and all it was a really relaxing experience that showed me I will be a needing a lot of help once any offspring of mine exits my vagina. 

Number two point of this post- I am about to be a HOT 26 and still have the maturity level of an 11 year old, who is mad Jennifer bought the same sweater. Through out my years of progressing as a human, I have come to the realization that I am definitely certifiable and I really must come off as one judgemental bitch. I tend to attract people that mistake my neurotic tendencies of picking myself apart as me judging them for whatever they have or don’t have going on. NOTE TO ALL OF YOU “friends”- I really am that self absorbed, I am not paying attention to you! What you have or don’t have and frankly don’t give a fat shit either way. This horrible habit turns these impressionable friends of mine, into mini versions of me that all of a sudden have the same: personality, speech, jokes, likes and dislikes in food, shoes, music etc. The advice “Just be yourself” really is the most valid three little words you can follow, and to all of you who have managed to make your way to this post, it’s probably directed at you. So please, either mail me a check for the persona you’ve taken on or return back to your actual selves. We don’t all need to share the same version of something, always.